what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
