Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
