ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
