I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
