you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think my vagina is haunted
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
