4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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