I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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