You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
