The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
