Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
