Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
