Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
