theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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