made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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