Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
