woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
