Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no you cant smoke seaweed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
