Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
