If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
