remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
