you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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