I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
