Kiss
Puke
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
