I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
