I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
