you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
