Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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