Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
