I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
