I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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