I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
