giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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