Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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