who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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