i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
