Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
