You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
