There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
