I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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