Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
