for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
