I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
