Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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