Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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