If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
