I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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