I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
