I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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