Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
