It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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