she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
