I smell stomach acid.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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