I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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