everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize