i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
