I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
