I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
