Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
