just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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