We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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