Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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