Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
